[ ayaka stills as she listens to sabo explain his piece, her expression soft. what he talks about is of something so beyond her, that it practically is on its way to being alien to her. yes, life is full of inequality and injustices, but she simply lived on, not wanting to die but too fearful to do anything about her problems either.
and in comparison, she was talking to someone that was selflessly talking about helping others and fighting for justice and against corruption and the like.
ayaka can’t help butt admire that. even if it’s probably an impossible task, the fact that he’s doing it anyone says a lot about his character. ]
I won’t lie… this feels like an adventure book. But there’s a lot that feels like fiction here so… [ she shakes her head. ] But it sounds like a lot… do you ever regret it?
[ she pauses, and realizes how it sounds and quickly tries to add: ]
I mean, like— I’m really shocked! But… I don’t know, would you ever wish that you had a more normal life?
[ it's fine; her question is a valid one. after all, the kind of life he lives isn't an easy one. the vast majority of his world would gladly have his head for how much it's worth and for the people who aren't afraid of him would suffer the same fate for simply associating with him.
nevertheless he laughs and takes it in strides. ]
You know, I wanted to write an adventure book when I was younger. It would be all about my travels that took, and I still hope that I'll get the chance to do that one day.
[ there's a bittersweetness to his smile. ]
But to your question, no. I suppose I had a chance to live a "more normal" life when I was younger but I couldn't look away from what was happening around me. [ imagine him sitting in a cozy home surrounded by all of the creature comforts that he could ever ask for? couldn't be him. ] As long as there are people who don't know what it's like to be free, I won't be able to rest.
[ and yet, ayaka's expression is glum. she truly does admire sabo's goals and fervor, but in front of such a larger than life figure, she can't help but feel smaller than she already is. in her eyes, she can't help but to think that he is one of those people that is truly free, soaring above her while she stays on the ground.
... ]
I don't think I could have ever lived a life like that. Before I met Richard, I was just... running from everything. Then I got pulled into the Holy Grail War and we were connected and... I don't know. Every time I think I'm taking a step forward, I take fifty steps back.
[ if she could be more herself, she wouldn't be holding richard back. but then again, what is she in the first place? if she can't even define that much, then everything else falls apart. ]
Sorry, I didn't mean to start pitying myself. I guess I just look at people like you or Richard and... I can't help but wish I were a little bit more like you.
[ the praise has sabo chuckling and he really wants to wave it off but, under these circumstances, it'd be an insult to ayaka. she's definitely the withdrawn sort and that's fine. ]
It's okay. [ sabo will make the slightest inch closer to her. ] I've met plenty of people like you in my travels; people who are afraid to move forward. It's scary putting yourself into a position where people can easily hurt you.
However, as scared as you are, it doesn't mean that bravery isn't already there inside of you. All anyone ever needs is something—someone—that can be there with you when you make the decision to.
[ all anyone needs is that spark to ignite a flame within them. sabo has much more experience fanning flames to inspire those to take arms against their oppressors but it isn't too different here. ]
I bet if you let Richard be that person for you, he'd be fine with it. The two of you already spend so much time together.
[ sabo, genuinely, is not implying anything between the two of them. a guy and a girl can be friends without romantic feelings being had!!! the two of them can lean on one another in times of need or uncertainty; it's what he and his partner have. ]
Of course, until you feel brave enough on your own, people like myself and Richard are more than fine to keep showing you what you can be capable of.
[ ayaka looks up at sabo as he inches closer, her eyes wide as he continues reassuring her. she doesn’t move away, but she does glance away as she starts feeling the pinprick of tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
bravery, huh? she doesn’t feel very brave, now that she thinks about it; only scared and guilty.
but in a way it’s a relief to hear this. she doesn’t want to lean on them, but the fact that sabo is allowing it is comforting. whether or not she deserves this comfort, however, is a separate story. ]
I already lean on him quite a bit, actually. If it weren’t for him, I’d probably be dead, honestly. [ she breathes out a shaky sigh. ] It’d be nice if even a little bit of his fearlessness rubbed off of me, honestly. He’s got way too much of it already.
[ well, at least she’s good enough to tell some jokes, as dry as they are. ]
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and in comparison, she was talking to someone that was selflessly talking about helping others and fighting for justice and against corruption and the like.
ayaka can’t help butt admire that. even if it’s probably an impossible task, the fact that he’s doing it anyone says a lot about his character. ]
I won’t lie… this feels like an adventure book. But there’s a lot that feels like fiction here so… [ she shakes her head. ] But it sounds like a lot… do you ever regret it?
[ she pauses, and realizes how it sounds and quickly tries to add: ]
I mean, like— I’m really shocked! But… I don’t know, would you ever wish that you had a more normal life?
no subject
nevertheless he laughs and takes it in strides. ]
You know, I wanted to write an adventure book when I was younger. It would be all about my travels that took, and I still hope that I'll get the chance to do that one day.
[ there's a bittersweetness to his smile. ]
But to your question, no. I suppose I had a chance to live a "more normal" life when I was younger but I couldn't look away from what was happening around me. [ imagine him sitting in a cozy home surrounded by all of the creature comforts that he could ever ask for? couldn't be him. ] As long as there are people who don't know what it's like to be free, I won't be able to rest.
no subject
[ and yet, ayaka's expression is glum. she truly does admire sabo's goals and fervor, but in front of such a larger than life figure, she can't help but feel smaller than she already is. in her eyes, she can't help but to think that he is one of those people that is truly free, soaring above her while she stays on the ground.
... ]
I don't think I could have ever lived a life like that. Before I met Richard, I was just... running from everything. Then I got pulled into the Holy Grail War and we were connected and... I don't know. Every time I think I'm taking a step forward, I take fifty steps back.
[ if she could be more herself, she wouldn't be holding richard back. but then again, what is she in the first place? if she can't even define that much, then everything else falls apart. ]
Sorry, I didn't mean to start pitying myself. I guess I just look at people like you or Richard and... I can't help but wish I were a little bit more like you.
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It's okay. [ sabo will make the slightest inch closer to her. ] I've met plenty of people like you in my travels; people who are afraid to move forward. It's scary putting yourself into a position where people can easily hurt you.
However, as scared as you are, it doesn't mean that bravery isn't already there inside of you. All anyone ever needs is something—someone—that can be there with you when you make the decision to.
[ all anyone needs is that spark to ignite a flame within them. sabo has much more experience fanning flames to inspire those to take arms against their oppressors but it isn't too different here. ]
I bet if you let Richard be that person for you, he'd be fine with it. The two of you already spend so much time together.
[ sabo, genuinely, is not implying anything between the two of them. a guy and a girl can be friends without romantic feelings being had!!! the two of them can lean on one another in times of need or uncertainty; it's what he and his partner have. ]
Of course, until you feel brave enough on your own, people like myself and Richard are more than fine to keep showing you what you can be capable of.
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bravery, huh? she doesn’t feel very brave, now that she thinks about it; only scared and guilty.
but in a way it’s a relief to hear this. she doesn’t want to lean on them, but the fact that sabo is allowing it is comforting. whether or not she deserves this comfort, however, is a separate story. ]
I already lean on him quite a bit, actually. If it weren’t for him, I’d probably be dead, honestly. [ she breathes out a shaky sigh. ] It’d be nice if even a little bit of his fearlessness rubbed off of me, honestly. He’s got way too much of it already.
[ well, at least she’s good enough to tell some jokes, as dry as they are. ]
no subject