ayaka sajyou (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
simulacres) wrote2025-03-22 09:29 pm
simulacres) wrote2025-03-22 09:29 pmEntry tags:
siffrin and ayaka
IS THERE ANY MEME WE CAN PUT WHEN THEY'RE GOING TO DIE
simulacres) wrote2025-03-22 09:29 pm
w2.... post trial... ; cw for hallucinations
as she walks through the promenade of reflexion room, she does her best to avoid her gaze on as many mirrors as she can. it's impossible to avoid all of them, however, and she has to swallow a scream as she sees the little girl in the red hood reflected over and over again, motionless and covered in blood.
her eyes are swollen and puffy. it's more obvious what she has been doing since the trial concluded. ]
Siffrin. I... I'm... so sorry.
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staring at themselves in the mirror reminds them of the ghosts they'd catch running down the halls of the House, impressions of their loops over and over and over again firmly cemented in the very fabric of time and space...
(You hate them.)
So the decision not to look at mirrors is a very nice, understandable time, and Ayaka is a welcome distraction as they look up from where they sit. ]
... What for?
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[ even if she voted for herself, it doesn't matter. she still aided in the judgement that was passed and ayaka feels like she's the one that's bringing the sledgehammer down on them.
she draws in a shuddering breath, trying to keep herself from crying again. ]
You don't deserve this.
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... Don't like to see people cry. But there's nothing you can do; you don't know why she's crying either, over you. It's...) ]
... Would you have voted for the person who killed her, if they killed her out of self-defense?
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[ it's hard to breathe. ]
I did.
[ like a sinner in church, she falls to her knees. just like when that boy died in front of her, god knows how long ago now. ]
I voted for her. Even though she was going to die. Even though she couldn't get help. I still voted for her.
[ and she would vote for her a thousand times more if she could. ]
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did?
Siffrin stares at Ayaka, confusion rising to the surface of what had otherwise been an apathetic expression. There's only one lady that they can think of that "was going to die", but...
(Do you want to consider her?) ]
... Who did you vote for?
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1/3
2/3
(You are so blinding angry you don't have your dagger on you--) ]
3/3
[ It isn't a question. It's not calm, the way they had been before. Even when they'd been pressed by Andrew, by the others, there hadn't been anger -- but there is now, chillingly soft spoken as Siffrin stands up, fists clenched tight. ]
cw suicide ideation
[ in comparison, ayaka's scream resounds through the hall, like floodgates being forced open. she thought she had done her best to look obvious, and yet nothing came towards her.
and yet if she were able to speak up then... then what would happen!? they couldn't vote for siobhan, they would argue about not voting for her because it was self-defense, and then saber would likely sacrifice himself for her as well. none of the choices were good. all of the choices were terrible. and yet she had no choice but to watch the trial unfold.
once again, she has blood on her hands and no excuse for it; she truly is nothing but a monster. over siffrin's shoulder, she can see her too-- the girl in the red hood, staring back at her, marred in blood. ]
Get revenge on me however you want. I don't care! I know I deserve it so PLEASE!
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However I want.
[ Quietly said. The air is tense, and maybe if they had those effects still there would be electricity running through it--
(You breathe in, and out.
You know exactly what it'll do to her. And so, with a wide, cold smile on your face, you say:) ]
Okay. I won't tell anyone. You can always confess now, with an innocent's blood on your hands.
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if only siffrin could know just how red her hands are. how many her inaction has killed.
but confession... sounds fine. it sounds proper. to rip the bandaid on her mind and dig at the wound until it bleeds again. this is what siffrin wants. this is what's right. and thus, the little fairy gives the wisher its desire, like she always has. ]
I... after everyone fell asleep Siobhan and I stepped out of the library because we thought we might be targeted. I thought she was telling the truth. But then she started using the sticks to keep the doors shut and... I got suspicious. We started arguing and then... then I got pushed down the stairs. I don't know why she didn't kill me right there, but I tried to hide from her in the hedges except she found me and I... I...
[ hyperventilating, she covers her face with her hands. behind her closed eyelids, however, all she sees is red. deep, deep, red. ]
I saw she had a knife. I was trying to keep it from her but then it fell to the ground and when I grabbed her she jumped on me and that's... that's when I stabbed her.
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... Ayaka had done the right thing by stopping her, by killing her, but...
(In the same instance, she doomed you. Doomed your family members.
You can't forgive that.
You could never forgive someone that hurt your family members.)
If it makes her suffer not to be punished, then that's all the revenge Siffrin needs. It's nice, actually, seeing her squirm now. They only wish they could see her be crushed under the weight of her own guilt in the future.
Oh, a shame. A real shame. ]
Have you thought about what wish you'd want granted? Maybe you'll get two now.
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...
... ]
I don't want a wish granted.
[ things like her never get what they want. ]
And I also had nothing to do with the fire in the library. I-I'm sorry. That part I really don't know about.
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It's easy to set fire to a bunch of paper. Don't worry about it.
[ But Ayaka's going to be getting a wish anyway, they know. Siffrin's anger doesn't fade. But they sit down again, staring at the mirror in front of them.
(You're dead because of a coward.) ]
Do you want me to kill you? Or tell everyone watching that you're the one who couldn't speak up?
[ Funny, how it sounds like he's giving her a choice. The invisible third option hangs in the air. ]
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[ … ]
I already said it. Do whatever you want.
[ if she knew about battle strategy, she would know to call this a pyrrhic victory. but she still feels like she had no other choice. her sacrificing herself would be impossible with saber around and saber sacrificing himself for her was unacceptable. and if she died, then how would saber be able to return to the war?
she remembers what hwylryn said about her valuing one life over the others. she had denied it because it had been about andrew at the time, but when saber was put into the equation…she’s not sure it’s the same.
but it doesn’t mean that her heart isn’t breaking under the pressure of the guilt. she’s sorry, she’s so sorry, but she’s been struggling to survive since thursday night, since the beginning of the grail war. she can’t give up now.
she stands up. shakily and pathetically, like the coward that she is. but even with unsteady feet, she has to continue forward. ]
If you want to kill me, that’s…fine. If you want to tell people… that’s fine too.
[ and if they want to haunt her forever, until her heart breaks, then that’s fine as well. ]
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[ Since it won't be the first. Siffrin isn't going to justify their votes.
(And you
don't want your friends to look at you and see a murderer, either. Even if you can be. Even if you are, to yourself.) ]
Take care on the way back. Wouldn't want you to miss the show tomorrow.
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[ because she needs to face the consequences of what she has done.
maybe it’s worse this way. if she had been caught, then at least she could have been absolved of her guilt. now, she will repent for whatever is left of her life. it’s laughable, really, how fate likes to drag her around.
… ]
I’m sorry. Goodbye.
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You stare at your reflection. Useless, useless Siffrin.
You really hate mirrors.) ]